The Department of Unsent Letters

A general discussion of pornography addiction. All are welcome.

Re: The Department of Unsent Letters

Postby Hephzibah on Mon Mar 15, 2010 9:35 pm

Dear law firm that is supposedly looking out for my interests:

You suck. Big time. I wish I would never have heard of your law firm and especially the lawyer assigned to my case:
________________

To my lawyer:

I don't know what in the heck is wrong with you, but I think you must have ordered your time management skills from a K-mart blue light special with batteries not included.

You had me take off work on Nov 18, 2008, to sign the application for divorce. You didn't bother to show up for that appointment because you'd forgotten about a child's school program. I can maybe understand that - but it took you until Feb 28, 2009, to walk the paper to the court house and file it! That is 13 weeks! Of course, when I asked why it took that long, you blamed my ex for your time mismanagement - said his lawyer couldn't contact him.... this may come as a surprise, but I don't think legally you need to kiss my ex's attorney's butt and get his permission to file a divorce against him. You could have just left a voice mail and if he didn't call you back, then he'd find out eventually. After all, ex already had hired legal counsel so everybody knew that somebody would be eventually filing for the divorce. I no longer accept that lousy excuse.

The judge granted the divorce (with my ex absent) on 12 August 2009; you requested the judge grant the divorce without him present because I needed the divorce decree to change my name on both passports and some other federal documents. The judge charged you to write a judgment for his signature which would complete the divorce process. It is now over 7 months later and you have still not filed that paper. Of course, you blamed my ex. The fool hasn't bothered to show up at half the court hearings; BS alert; my ex does not have to hold your hand to write this document or file it. I will no longer accept ex is at fault for your mismanagement of time.

It took TEN months and dozens of requests for you to rewrite my will; then you didn't bother to make the meeting so the senior partner handled it. Your secretary said you'd forgotten your son had a piano recital. That means for TEN months that had I died, my ex would have received everything I owned.

19 October 2009. the court ordered my ex to start spousal support, to file some required paperwork, blah, blah. The judge charged you to write the interim order. It was 13 weeks before you finally filed that paperwork. When asked why, you said because the opposing attorney couldn't contact his client. What in Sam Hill does my ex have to do with you following the directions the judge gave you? It isn't like my ex was even at the court house!

Although I realize you are not my ex-husband; and your time mismanagement (that comes across as very cruel and possibly abusive) is not coming from the same place as the deceptions, lies and abuse that ex victimized me with - I still feel victimized. Goodness gracious - I'm paying you $200 an hour to treat me like crap. I must be out of my mind! Stop the insanity; start doing what I'm paying you to do - get the divorce and property settlement completed.

I am totally appalled at your handling of the case. I am appalled at your total lack of time management.

I am appalled when I asked you what could be done about ex not paying his spousal support you informed me you could not make him act moral. Well, duh.... he supposedly loved me and didn't act moral. I wasn't asking you to change him but what legal recourse could be put into effect to get him to man up and obey the court order. Yet, you haven't done anything on my behalf that wasn't demanded by the case management judges... yes, you dinked around so many years that the court no longer felt you or ex's attorney were competent to move forward with the case without the judge kicking you in the butt every step of the way. The three judges were right - you were both incompetent. Let's see, the word the first judge used was your handling of the case was unconscionable. I agree 100%.

___________________

To the law firm:

To the king but-hole, I am angry at you for not getting your junior partner to learn time management. I am angry at you for not taking my case when I asked you to take it. I am angry that this case is now on the third judge. I am angry that your firm's customer service is non-existent.
___________________

To the other lawyers:

I am angry that you refused to take this case when I've tried to find a new lawyer. I am angry at the greed that since this isn't a big dollar case that you find it worth less. I am angry at the system that wouldn't let me get free legal counsel because I own a home with ex. Well, he's sitting pretty and living in that home while it depreciates around our ears and you go on your fat cat ways ignoring those less fortunate than you.


Professional? Nah, your firm exemplifies every lawyer joke I have ever heard. You are jokes and not people.

I am grateful I believe in sowing and reaping. THAT puts a smile on my face.
________________

Aaah, that feels better getting that off my chest. Thanks, for this thread.
"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken" - Oscar Wilde

"First, there is the fall, and then we recover from the fall. Both are the mercy of God!" – Lady Julian of Norwich

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My Recovery Plan (back when I was with ex): viewtopic.php?f=4&t=8174#p160542
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Re: The Department of Unsent Letters

Postby beyondrecognition on Sun Oct 23, 2011 7:53 pm

Dear Sixteen year old ME,

You're 42 years old now and I just wanted to tell you how the next few years of your life are going to go. You are going to go through so many challenges. Your life will be risked on several occasions; some from the foolish things you do up until your mid twenties and some will be due to no fault of your own. But, through it all, you make it, at least to age 42. Despite all your adrenaline junkie stunts where you were so reckless and careless with your own life, like the time you carelessly jumped from one rock structure to another with a huge chasm between, leaving your father breathless with fear to the time you sunk your boat a mile out in the ocean because you wouldn't listen to the weather advisories that suggest small craft shouldn't go out that day. Truth is, you made it through all that. Later, when you were married to an abusive man, you got out alive, before he harmed you irreparably.

I know back when you were sixteen you seriously contemplated taking a whole bottle of sleeping pills. Can I just say, I am so glad you chose not to? You see, you didn't know back then what you had to live for. You had no way of knowing you would one day give birth to a little girl that would be your highest calling and greatest joy you could ever imagine. What you didn't know then.....was that it DOES get better. You thought the hell you were living in would never end. It did end, eventually. You will be in a lot of different situations that can scare you so much you think you can't go on. You will go on. You will survive.

Can I also tell you, you have no idea how valuable you are yet. You think you have to keep striving to earn God's favor and His forgiveness and His love. Truth is, you don't. You just haven't figured that out yet. He loves you already. You think you're not pretty, smart, capable or funny. You happen to be wrong about all of those things. You are all of that. You are a special gem, carved from the stones of adversity. I can't say your life is going to be perfect. I can't say you won't experience a ton of pain. You will. But the thing that matters is,.....it will pass. It will. You will survive. You will thrive. You will touch others' lives in a positive way. Right now, you're scared and you think you want to end it all. I'm glad you chose to be brave. That bravery will carry you through many dark valleys and to the summit of many daunting peaks. Embrace your strength.

I wanted to tell you, you are going to make it. And God loves you. And YOU love you.

Signed,

42 year old YOU.

P.S. Please forward this on to 60 year old you, because right now, 42 year old you is still fearful of the future.
THE GOOD LORD NEVER GIVES YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE......UNLESS YOU DIE OF SOMETHING.
MARK TWAIN

I started out with nothing... I still have most of it.

For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11
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Re: The Department of Unsent Letters

Postby Done with this on Mon Oct 24, 2011 10:32 am

Dear Dad,

I am a porn addict. It's not your fault. There are many things that I wish you had done and handled differently, that may have made a difference back then. But you had no way of knowing and I didn't tell you. I know you did the absolute best you could. Sometimes you were harsh, but I know you just really wanted to raise me right. Sometimes you were oblivious, but I also know you were very young when you had me and were still learning along with me. The reason I am writing you this letter I will never send, is I want to tell you about my struggles, but I know that you would blame yourself. I know it is my fault I got to where I did. I chose to look at things I knew I shouldn't. I chose to keep looking at them even after I felt bad about it. The thing is I don't really blame myself that much either for getting started. I was 15 and very curious as all teenage boys are. I wish you had taken more time or felt more comfortable discussing what a proper sexual relationship might look like, but like I said I don't blame you. In fact, the only blame I place is on myself for taking so long to realize this was a problem that I had to fix and for not getting help sooner. I also blame myself for lying to my wife about it for so long. I have finally taken the steps to get sober and stay there. I have been clean for quite a while now, but it is still a struggle at times.

There are few key times I look back on and wish you had handled things differently. As I said, I don't blame you, but I need to get these off my chest. The time in our family study when you asked my brother and I in front of mom if we had a problem with masturbation. Mom asked if she should leave and you told her no. If you had let her leave I would have talked to you about it, but I couldn't get myself to say yes in front of her. The time you found my stash of bikini catalogs that I had stolen from the mail. You didn't pursue it like I thought you would. You just told me I shouldn't be looking at things like that and left it at that. Looking back now I was hoping so much that you would do something, but I was so embarrassed and ashamed I couldn't ask for help. It got worse when I left home. I was free to look at harder stuff without getting caught. NYC offered SO many opportunities in complete anonymity. Then with the onset of the internet it got really bad. When I got in trouble with Amy, I wish you would have seen it was a bigger problem than just being horny. I wish I could talk to you about it now. But I know it would crush you. I know you would blame yourself. It's not your fault. I blamed you for years, but I realize I made those choices and it is up to me to fix them.

I love you. I know we don't say that very often, but I know you love me too.
"As long as we blame other people for our problems we empower them to fix them. If we take responsibility for ourselves we can choose to fix them ourselves."
Ricky Williams

"Hear, O God, my voice in my concern. From the dreadfulness of the enemy may you safeguard my life." - Ps.64:1
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Re: The Department of Unsent Letters

Postby Workingonit on Mon Oct 24, 2011 2:09 pm

Guys and galls thank you for posting these in this open thread, it affects my mind, heart and soul so strongly. It makes want to go beyond and above. I need to be so much of a better father to my children. It makes me want to cry that some of the things i see in myself and know and ive know for awhile that i need to change. THANK YOU.
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Re: The Department of Unsent Letters

Postby honeysuckle on Fri Mar 30, 2012 3:48 am

bump
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Re: The Department of Unsent Letters

Postby dudethemutt on Fri Mar 30, 2012 11:39 am

Letters are so passé, everybody uses e-mail nowadays. :D
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Re: The Department of Unsent Letters

Postby dudethemutt on Fri Mar 30, 2012 12:45 pm

Dear bus drivers of Montreal.

You guys are lazy [expletive]. Never in my life have I received worse service then by you guys (except maybe at Greich & Scaff by a fat guy in a cheap suit).
Late busses or worse, ones that never show up. Trash-talking employees, and more.

Signed,
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Re: The Department of Unsent Letters

Postby Workingonit on Thu Apr 05, 2012 1:08 pm

Aunt and grand parents,

For so many year i did not understand and still do not, when i was younger you treated me like i was less then nothing, and put my sister on a pedastol. You made so many promisses to me that you would do the things for me you did for my sister. I looked forward to going to disney land and the fairs and so many other things that you never did for me. I came for the summers and you worked me like a dog in your fields like i was some tool. I was little, young, inocent. I was not alloud in my aunts house for reasons i do not know when everyone else was. I had to sit on the patio well everone else was inside. It hurts to know people that are suposed to love me treated me so horrably.

I never knew how much this hurt me intell i started to get my life together, I can think of years of being treated like crap. I am so happy that my parents told you off and never spoke to you again. My life is better without you in it. No one deserves to be treated like you treated me espescialy a child.

I have forgiven you and i hope that you have changed your ways and asked for forgivness, you will be judged by God and he will not fall for you lies and deceite.

I am a good person.

I do not have much to say to you because all of what i have to say is not nice and when i am judged i will be held countable for my actions and i will not feed hatered.
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Re: The Department of Unsent Letters

Postby melmarco on Fri Jun 01, 2012 10:50 am

I wrote this because last night my sister (while drinking) claimed she wanted to stop by this morning. Now she is avoiding the topic. I replied to a text this morning that I will come by her house to visit because my mom is staying there and driving my sister crazy. No reply. I will send this letter later today most likely.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We agreed not to let things fester, talk about them so they do not turn into background resentment and we start acting like mom with barbed comments, etc.

So this is one family trait I have been trying to go against:

We are great at communicating via electronics where it does not take much to hit reply or answer the phone but when it comes to visiting face-to-face something always comes up. We are too busy to visit our family. Why? Tenants, vacant house, insufficient transportation, etc. Name the reason. Something else is more important than family. Keep family at an arm’s length, only electronic communications.

I have been inviting you over for so long and it is always something. Why? I realize it is difficult to face the truth and it is far too easy to come up with excuses but facing the truth can get us beyond these sticky points so we are less like The Mom and more like loving caring siblings…

I brought up a few things last year but they were denied. Are we uncomfortable around each other? Most likely. Do we have so much resentment built up over the years it is difficult to sit face to face with no other people/distractions around? Most likely.

I am speaking for myself here because I know that relationship issues do not happen in a vacuum, it takes two. But it also takes two to recognize the wounds before we can heal them. I cannot do it alone.

Recognizing faults and wounds hurts, it hurts so bad at times I cannot breathe, but with that pain comes a freedom and strength that moves us beyond this sick cycle. Mom is a good example. She is a prisoner of her own sickness, over and over she locks herself in deeper into solitary confinement. Only Mom can set herself free only mom can recognize her shortcomings and pain. Mom is in denial and will continue to be sick until the day she dies just like Grandma K.

I am tired of dancing the sick dance of our family which is why I “took some time off” for the last year. I want to heal, to break away from the habits we formed for survival. All of us are sick. It is impossible to say Mom is the sicko and somehow we came out okay. We point a finger at Grandma K saying she is a wacko. Karen is a manifestation of us. She is our family. A person does not attract a mate who is less or more sick than him or herself. Karen reflects how sick Grandpa is and Mom is a result of sick grandpa and grandma and whether it is hereditary or environmental here we are. We got the best of both worlds. Dad is just as sick as mom they were attracted to each other so they can feed off each other’s sicknesses. Grandma Y is a wacko and so is Grandpa J. Grandpa J is just not so obvious.

We either inherited sick genes or learned traits to survive or both.

Nobody will get over this sick cycle until we face it and learn to fight off our usual thoughts and reactions. My latest motto is to “Do Exactly the Opposite of what I Usually Do….” Or at least I am trying.

We do not get over it by distracting ourselves and acting as if it does not matter. It does matter and it will keep coming up until we face the true deep pain and heal. It is scary and hurts like hell but the true inner strength and love we find is worth every ounce of pain.
“the mind of the solitary individual is vulnerable to delusions and irrational fears"

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
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Re: The Department of Unsent Letters

Postby melmarco on Wed Aug 22, 2012 9:14 pm

Here goes again.

Mom

Leave me alone. Why is it you favor that sick sister of mine and yet still try to contact me? I am the terrible angry entity carrying mad out of control wacko. Yes. I am terrible so leave me alone. Let me be terrible to someone else.

Let me find people who see my good traits and you can continue to see sick V as something good… somehow?????

I am tired of trying to prove myself to you. I am NOT an angry bad person. I am the scapegoat for everyone else’s shortcomings WE ARE ALL ANGRY PEOPLE but some of us still feel and burst over with emotions only to be blamed by the rest of you.

I feel for Dad because like him I was blamed for my anger. Poor dad was so weak and sick and both you and V had to try and paste him together. Nobody asked Dad how he felt. Nobody considered Dad as a person. Everyone needed Dad as an accessory so life can continue as it was. Dad finally lost it when you all were gathered around his bed convincing him that getting a new heart is good news. Oh boy now he can suffer for another decade? Oh boy I bet he really liked not being able to work on his model planes, hang out in the garage and work on the car, etc. I bet he enjoyed sitting and staring off into space all day. Glue him together just like V did to her cat so he can stare off into space, hair all greasy and matted ready to die but V cannot accept that fact. Poor cat!

V is the family hero for fighting the hospital staff so dad can live another five years. I admit I was jealous at the time. Why did I not care and involve myself enough to fight professionals in the field, telling them how to do their job?

I did not realize what was really going on. That was before I saw how she attempted to glue her cat together and before Dad spat “I am here because of YOU” to you, mom.

How do you feel about the fact the last time you saw your husband he angrily told the nurse to get him out of the hospital and you ran away. V grabbed you on her way out and you all ran. Ran from what? Dad? You all ran home and did what? Waited? Went to bed? You never wondered where your husband was all night? Nobody thought to call for help? Nobody wanted to just BE THERE for dad not telling him what to do or how it should be or expecting anything from him.

I cannot say what I would have done if I was with you that night. I can say that if I was there and V tried all the drama “RUN RUN DAD IS MAD” BS I most likely would have initially been caught in the energy but I think (hope) I would have stopped and in my “helping and trying to think of others” way I would have said “what about Dad, we cannot just leave him here not knowing where he will go”. I am quite sure I would have came to my senses. Yes it probably was scary to see Dad so angry. On the other hand the anger is not just some entity invading his body.

The anger IS DAD speaking out from a place where he feels unloved. You all ran from DAD. What were you afraid of? I do not want to say this but no wonder he gave up on life. I know how it feels to be angry and have you two turn away. Anger is not something to turn away from anger is a normal emotion for those that feel our real needs are unmet. Anger is the only way I feel I am heard. Anger also got me in more trouble, more isolated. But anger was the only thing I knew. How else can I deal with such raw strong feelings?

So all you guys go running through the halls and out the door into the midnight air and nobody felt like a fool running from a barefoot man in hospital garb?? You jumped into the car and drove off leaving him behind? He leaves the hospital and goes into the lonely night with no reason not to shoot himself.

To this day nobody brings this up and wonders if you did the right thing? No. If I did what you did I would be crushed with guilt. You have to say that person was not Dad, it was his entity. The entity got into dad and made him that way. Run run that is what you do as if this is a horror movie.

Supposedly I get the entity too. Supposedly the only way to get rid of it is hire an exorcist. I feel like a fool writing this.

So if that was true how come I am getting a handle on my anger and learning that I am loved and worthy? I tried to convey this to you but you continue to categorize me with Those People who are invaded by The Entity. That hurts. It really hurts. My mother telling me I am just like the Bad People in our lives. I have been hearing that since I can remember. “Uncle Steve is a terrible person oh and you are like your Uncle Steve”.

How do you expect a child to handle that? Especially when this child has nothing else to hold on to?

The more I heal the more I see you all do not know how to feel. The more I see how I did not get along because I DID feel. I felt hurt and acted out. I was so hurt I searched for love and approval in p.

I always knew I had a purpose in life. Ever since I was very young I loved to express myself, joking, singing, acting, making up little stories and sharing them with my loving grandma. I excelled in school until I realized nobody cared. I then got into trouble and then people cared enough to punish me. Not you. I was still isolated and alone. I never got punished at home I never got anything at home.

Looking back I see how I needed to have something more in my life. If I performed in a band or choir I wanted to do a solo, if I read a play I wanted to act it out, etc. I never had the chance but instead was blamed for channeling all that energy into anger and getting into trouble.

V is sick. V is so messed up she does not know how to feel. When we were young she was considered the good sibling. Why? Because she was so withdrawn she did not do a thing. She had no interests, no hobbies, no personality, nothing. I never understood why she got a remote control car. I wanted one for YEARS and blam she gets one and NEVER used it unless she knew I wanted to play with it.

When we graduated from high school you guys bought a trailer and your job as parents (for whatever it was worth) was over. Did you not feel bad as V lay in bed and refused to move even as the new owners came to the house? It is a joke, we laugh about this. Really? My sister was so much in shock and recovering from having wisdom teeth pulled and an abortion she just stayed in bed and did not move.

Um. Yeah that is kind of messed up, Mom. At the time I felt for her but I was running I ran far. I ran to Oregon to find a new life. Far away from you. I am trying it again I am running to Oregon to find a life away from you. I hope this time we can make enough money to stay.

Plus what could I do? I did not have the ability to care and even now as I am learning I still have reservations about V. She is SO NEGATIVE when she is in the room. So much negativity. Her eyes scan the room as she attempts to control control control. She cannot control me anymore and it pisses her off. She tried to stare down my SO and my friend. She knows she cannot control them but she is trying. Those heavily made up eyes burning into people. Staring. I once asked her to quit staring at me she got mad. That was it. She is right no matter what. It was my fault for being uncomfortable.

When I was born I was the star. The first born on your side of the family. Grandpa loves babies and grandma always loved me so I am sure I got tons of loving attention from both. A good amount of my baby pictures are of me in my grandpa’s arms. My first words were “ite on” for light on and “ite off” for light off as Grandpa switched the light on and off.

I bet it was when I rocked my crib over to the porcelain lamb and accidently knocked it to the floor that I switched from being a cute baby to a tyrant uncontrollable child. I love the picture of myself shining face full of happiness and curiosity as I point at the lamb on the dresser.

I have a picture of me at about three years old I am looking at the camera with patience beyond my years as V is in diapers leaning into me. I wonder if she got on my nerves even then?

This letter is longer than expected…..

Recently I realized that the more I try to do the right thing the more you disapprove. It is almost as if I NEED to be wrong and bad to keep continuity. I used to think you were such a good person and now I am seeing you are very self-centered and try to get out of simple things such as paying a traffic ticket. I used to (and still do) try to show you how GOOD I am and how HAPPY my life is. Oops. Thinking back I was always a bit better off than V, better relationships, better in-laws, better job, better life. Oops. I now see that made you mad because V is supposed to be the fortunate one. Or maybe it is the other way around? You feel sorry for V because I always seemed to be in God’s favor? Is that why you excuse her actions?

Here I am healing and going to school so I can learn how to be a better person and serve God. I volunteer and help around the neighborhood, community, etc. Oops! wrong again. I need to drink too much, hold a crappy job in a neighborhood where I fear getting out of the car, live in a crappy neighborhood where my house gets broken into on a regular basis, have no incentive to learn more, move forward in life, do better as a person, heal, know God, etc. Just like V. Or maybe it would make you happy if I was worse than V if that was possible. With what she does I am surprised nobody hasn’t shot, sued, or thrown her in jail. I bet you would accept me if I was in jail, penniless and going crazy. V would be the family hero. She has a job! She has a house! V is a success!

Every little thing she did was a success. You never asked about my job but we all sat around to hear the gossip going on at V’s job. Does she actually do work or just get into everyone’s business. Who cares… You both would sit at the edge of your seat to hear about how Jane, Robert, and Elisa are not getting along…. Etc.

When you called I was tempted to call back but why? I am under no obligation to call you back. I do not owe you anything. I have done enough. I have hurt enough. I am done. I need to heal.
“the mind of the solitary individual is vulnerable to delusions and irrational fears"

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
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