WalkTheLine's Journey To Honesty

[Curious Voyager]

NO MORE!

Trigger: Author has hidden potentially triggering text. Click to reveal.

house guests

[breakingfree]

Walk,

I think I'm more scared of work that I haven't planned or know exactly how to do, so the listing really helps, theres no open-end-no-end-in-sight to the task that way.

Works for me every time. The [expletive] hard part is convincing myself to do it. I ALWAYS feel better once I start organizing and categorizing what needs to be done. As soon as I start the anxiety begins to lessen and that feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop goes away.

D

[1dayatatime]

Cool.

Be glad you have a job.

[I need help]

The "What If" horrible thought, where what if something terrible happened, would I go back to porn? What if my wife got cancer, or was killed in an accident, maybe one or both of the kids too, would that be the straw that breaks me? I've slipped on FAR less. Thinking of the life I would live alone, or raising two kids alone, would I put porn back in my routine? Is my recovery so fragile that something that bad would break it? Can any addict have a recovery strong enough to withstand that? Whats the point?

I think CV calls this stinkin thinkin. I know it well. I get this way too I think it is part of our addictive/psychological make up. That doesn't excuse it, but it helps it make sense to me. Then I force myself to step back and realize that as long as I keep going this cycle of negative thoughts will go away. I just need to focus my mind on other things. The key is catching it and recognizing it for what it is "stinkin thinkin".

Just self-pity and excuses and the tiny percents of chance to worry about. None of the things that happened were that bad to shake me, but those feelings left unchecked are. Had to HALT inventory, deep breathe, and search for a why, I didn't come up with a solution for my annoyances this morning. So I decided I would just talk to her tonight about the morning help I need and how it REALLY makes it easier for me. She will understand and help and we'll be done with it!

It sounds like you handled it well.

Stay strong.

[mo4wo1]

I hope it's okay that I reply real quick...

A schedule. Written out, talked about with the family and then posted where the family can see it.

I ended up doing that some years ago. And when we stuck to it, boy was it a saving anchor for us all. years later, after the D-days & all, I fell a part a bit. So a therapist suggested we do it again. So, H & I sat down. We broke the day down in half-hour increments. We assigned chores & responsibilities. We then typed it out and then informed the boys about what's what. Weekly stuff was posted on the dry-erase board and each kid had his own color. I also posted our stuff (H & I) on it, too.

It sounds like a big hassle and a bunch of "Why should I have to do that, too?" stuff. But it only took a total of a few hours (stretched over a week) to suss out and the updates were easy to do. Plus it really does help save a few fights and helps/gently reminds all of what they are supposed to do.

As a matter of fact, I have been planning to re-instituted this all. It was halted after the move & just never picked back up again.

WRT the resentments. They're understandable. Just talk to her. That's all you can do. Ask for what you need -- to not have to parent her too, among other things -- and then go from there. Having BTDT years ago far too many times, I get where you may be at. And you're right. It sucks.

ETA:

If you want, I could probably find & then share our old schedule with you. For a template.

[I need help]

Don't want to toot my own horn too much, but it was a generally stress-triggering week, and every time I applied my tools, and sunk my claws into what needed done, I was rewarded with a job well done and another day sober. Feel pretty John Wayne about how I handled the week, I was apprehensive about the forecast but I bit off small bites and stubbornly knocked it all through. Go team WTL!

Sounds like a job well done. If you don't want to give yourself a pat on the back I will.

BACKPAT

[I need help]

Stay Strong.

[breakingfree]

Walk,

Hang in there and use your lifelines.

D

[luvdabeach2001]

86 Yugo

Now that was quite an analogy!

[Timoteiy]

Hi WTl
Having been internet (and T.V.) free for months, I have been succeseful in avoiding all 'external porn' at the expense of missing the honesty of this forum that I have not been able to duplicate elsewhere. I read a few pages of your journal and felt a weight lifting... here I can be myself. Hope I can keep coming back (internet cafe time)
God bless, Tim